Facing The Music
by OneLastRefrain
Summary: Chapter 2 is up. Learning to live with changes in your life is not always easy to do.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Facing The Music

Summary: Takes place sometime in the 5th season. Learning how to deal with life changes is not always easy.

Spoilers: 5th Season

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada. Sorry.

Notes: So, I felt like writing a Cruz fic. So that's exactly what I did. = )

Reviews: Reviews are great and encouraging to writing a new chapter. Not sure if this is a stand alone though. You decide. 

Time passes by so slowly now, it _really _does. The clock just keeps going in slow motion and yet, I try so hard to keep up, so damn _hard to run. But then it gets foggy and I realize I no longer know what I'm running for. That's when I stop and get lost behind, lost and _dead_ to the world. _

That's how it always was though.

That's about all I knew. _Know. _

Anti Crime is _gone._

My team is _gone._

And so is _my life._

The life I had once cherished more then anything. My life that I had grown so accustomed to as a cop. I was a _good _cop. No, I was a _great _cop. I got the job done and that's all the mattered. 

Now I have a life of a different person. Detective Mahoney came right up to me, right to my face, as soon as I woke up from surgery and told me, "Maritza, you will never be a cop again." I didn't understand it then. Especially when they told me I was under arrest. Hell, I didn't even know where I was for _dios sake. He kept going on about my rights and how Lieutenant Dade was arrested. Anger filled my veins._

Those are the basic hard cold facts that took me too long to understand. Hell, I had enough time to think about it the several weeks I stood in Central Lock Up. You'd think I'd be thrilled to be out of there, don't get me wrong, I am. I just don't savor the feeling of going back to your _home_ that you haven't been in for weeks, the cold and bone chilling darkness. The pure sense of _loneliness _is what kills me.

I was _lucky though. Or that's what I have been told. I'm pretty __damn lucky I met bail. I mean come on, who the hell would bail a dirty cop like me out of jail? Don't ask me, I wasn't informed. They just told me to get the hell out. I did what I was told without question too._

I'm practically harmless though now. I'm mentally and physically set in a manacle that my will can never _break_ through. Thanks to that _fucking bitch, there is not all too much left of my knee. Noble's 'defensive' bullet tore the bone away before I could comprehend what was happening. The doctor told me it would be a __miracle if I can ever walk again without crutches. It wasn't that statement that bothered me the most though, it was the way he said it. I'm sure those _jag-offs _will be happy, and Bosco and his gullible _bitch_ too. _

It won't constrain me though. 

The one thing they don't know is Maritza Cruz is indestructible. _A walking time bomb.The walking part, of course, is not taken literally. _

All I'm thankful for is getting rid of the evidence, the evidence that wouldn't justify all too well in court, _the unregistered guns, coke, methane, crack, pot._ In others words, my little insurance policy that couldn't hurt. Well at least I didn't think so at the time.

 I also didn't think I'd have to spend days in jail to learn I'll never be able to walk again.

I had ridded myself of it the few days before the shooting just incase Boscorelli went snooping around some more. Which I'm _sure he did. _

I didn't want to go back to my place. Something just didn't feel write. The one place that I called _home for nearly 8 years was now a part of who I _was._ Things had changed and it just reminded me of the glory I _had. __

The glory I had lost.

And to what? Too, two low-life beat cops and I mound of unbelievable lies. I had buried it upon myself though, and I knew it. How I had been so stupid, I will never know.

Too many mixed emotions spun in me, ready to twist out of control, and erupt like a tornado. The feelings I have are endless. Frustration, anger, and betrayal are just several that make me want to pull every strand of hair out of my head. The worst of them all is disappointment and defeat. Everything I had been working towards was ripped away from me like a child getting there Christmas presents stolen.

The prize was _stolen away from me. The prize I had worked so hard to achieve. _

Months of working towards finding this Beuford was spoiled, all my cases, all the skels that I locked up were sent back to trial. I had let myself down and I was more then sure I had disappointed the one person who I was doing this for as well. _Lettie__.__ That's just one thing I know will always stay with me._

The guilt. 

The feeling of finally being defeated. This feeling was something I, Maritza Cruz, had never _ever experienced. It was _always _my way, and I mean it, _always._ I got what I wanted and that was just the damned way it was, whether you liked it or not. _Too bad.____

I'm not one to regret my actions. But by the outcome of this experience, the only thing I regret is dragging Bosco into this. Obviously he grew a conscience for the first time. And what great timing he did too. Just to think, we were _so close to putting this bastard __away for good. _

I was so close to moving on with my life. So god damn close to letting some of the coldness melt away into the sun. Well now, that's not ever going to happen. And I have Boscorelli to blame for that.

"Lady, isn't this your place? 13-49 on West?" A voice startles me as I snap back to reality, my eyes narrowed almost in annoyance at the interrupt from my thoughts. Pulling my gaze from the window I look towards the cab driver and nod slowly.

"Yah." I mutter before shifting my weight on my side before digging around in my back pocket in search for money. After a moment of fishing though my pockets I finally find a $20 and hand it over. Grabbing my crutches I open the door to the arctic air and maneuver my way out, on my _good leg._

"You need help hun?" He asks watching me, almost with an amused grin.

_Fuck off bastard._

"No, I got' it." I reply holding back my anger and finding my footing, the crutches slipped under my raw arms. The icy rain pelts down on me as a sense of a punishement. I curse slightly to myself grinding my teeth near agony. It wasn't as much of the pain from my leg but the numbness that took over my body as the frozen rain drops trickled down my cheek and down my back, along the bare skin under my tee. The only clothes I had been left with were a pair of jeans and a shirt. My jacket had been confiscated for evidence. _What a bitch that was._

Watching as the cab pulled away and disappeared down the road I glared around my _wonderful broken down neighborhood. __Home huh? It was just the same as I left it. The dim street lights expressed the dimension of the buildings and the few things that came in between them. The cars. The people. The same gang was sitting the porch of a run down building a few places away, the same loud music coming from the building, and the scent of smoke and drugs lingered in the air._

Hovering as quickly as I could make it to the building, I used my hand to open the door and make my way inside.  Good thing my place was on the first floor or god knows how the hell I was supposed to make it. 

Taking my time, my eyes adjusted to the low amount of light that leaked into the hall, the light-bulb overhead, doing its usual flickering. The loud music of 'Get Low' echoed into the shadowed hall making my cringe. _Some things never change._

 Sighing deeply I found my door and now for the task of finding my keys. Resting the one crutch on the side panel I shifted on to my good leg and reached into my jean pocket pulling out a small rusted key. Holding back as a wave of pain stroke over my destroyed body, I bit my tongue and stood still for a moment. 

_Waiting._ Waiting as the pain started to slink away. I had to be careful I didn't turn the wrong way, and had to be careful not even a small force came in contact with my _dead_ knee or there was hell to pay. In pain. 

 I unlocked the door slowly urging to get away from the music and from the world. But as I entered my apartment, I was forced to _face the music. _


	2. Chapter 2

*~*

I had shown up at the Precinct to talk with the Lieu. about god knows what and found myself sitting in the hall for about a hour or more, watching Officers pass by, getting ready for shift. Anger built in the bottom of my stomach. I could feel the cold stares, darkening over me. I wished I could shoot there fucking heads off. Sure, that seems drastic, but whether it was the meds. I was given or just my plain ol' temper, that's what I wanted to do. 

Time passed by and it was about five past three. Roll call had started and I was still sitting there twiddling my thumbs. The hall had emptied out but one person down the hall, who caught the corner of my eye, staring in my direction. Pissed enough already I tried to ignore it, staring at the ground. Several seconds passed and I snapped my head up in his direction, "What the –" I stopped when I realized who it was. Our eyes locked in emotion, hate, surprise, or anger? Who the hell knows?

Him.

I tore my gaze away from him after several moments, staring straight ahead. I hadn't seen Bosco since that night. In the hotel room, when those gun shots were exchanged and my life was doomed to _pure hell._

"You're late for roll call." I spoke my lips curled into a satisfying smirk. I saw motion to my right and cocked my head watching him fidget. 

"What?" He replied a bit surprised by my words, or just maybe he was in shock or didn't hear.

  
"_Nada_." I shrugged it off before looking forward again. It felt good to say. It was kind of funny how now such little things amuse me, and make my day complete. I was ready to fall in my grave and die _now._

And yet he continued to stare. 

"Surprised I'm alive?" I snapped at him, my eyes now darkened in anger at his rudeness, just standing there, staring his ice cold stare at me. 

"No." He replied immediately. What long in-dept answers I was receiving. I was in awe!

"Disappointed?" I asked after a moment, the smirk grew dimmer until it faded.

He didn't respond. 

My eye brows rose as I met his gaze again. He looked pale, pretty blank if that makes any sense. He just stood there, his hands sunken deep into his pockets staring at me. Why? Was I that amusing?

I couldn't bring myself to ask him what he was looking at though. I use to be able to create a storm with my attitude. _Those days were over. _

"You're already late." I told him, my voice emotionless. 

He nodded his head after a moment and continued down his way towards the roll call room.

That's when I realized more then ever, things were never going to be the same. 

Two things would though, he was still a cop and I was still a _bitch._

I thought about him a lot now, and how much he had meant to me after Lettie died. I couldn't have asked for more. And then what did I do? I took everything we had and threw it out the god damn window. I was never good in relationships, but damn, that had to be one of the most stupid things that Maritza Cruz had done in a long time.

The light flashed on my answering machine but I didn't have the will or energy to check it. It wasn't like it mattered who called anyway. It was either the doctor or the Precincts, two people I did not feel like chatting with at the moment. No-one else would probably even think about calling me.

 As far as I was concerned, I was wearing an invisible Hazardous sign on my chest. How unfortunate. 

I hated the person I had become, as much as it killed me to say it. I'm not much to regret anything, but this was getting to be too much. I felt angry, angry for so many things that had gone hay-wire in my life and I sat back and watched it fall apart before my very eyes.

 I was in denial, in denial that I had lost _my_ sister, _my job, and __my being. But most of all, I had lost __myself somewhere in a thick murky fog of lies._

When I couldn't stand the light much longer I listened to the message which I figured was from Mercy. Dr.Lewis called and left me a message to call back about my 'physical therapy' sessions. I would, eventually that is. In-between my _shrink _and IAB meetings, sure I would. 

No, it wasn't enough that I could barely walk, they had to push my buttons even more, making sure that I wouldn't be able to go back to work. Well, duh, are they really that stupid? How the fuck can you be a cop when you can't even get around with out crutches? As much as it bothered me not to say it right there, I bit my tongue and held a grudge. I pondered on a word to call these bastards, pure dumb asses. That's it. 

The department even took the time to set me up with some 'quack' I have to talk to once a week. I felt like asking why it even mattered, it wasn't like I'd be coming back to work. Swersky's response, "It would be the best intent for your well being." You know what I call that, bullshit.

So what? They think I need a hour a week to go to some kinky office, lay on a couch, and spill my guts to a 'doctor' who doesn't give a crap? I don't think so _papi_. I spend my hour sitting back and enjoying my time, in pure silence. What a better way to waste some of the Precincts cash. I loved it. No progress was achieved and none was lost. 

The rest of my time is spent either at Camelot, whether in meeting with IAB, or at home. In my opinion, it's all a waste of time, energy, and space. I ask myself why I even bother when nothing ever pays off. I guess I just can't sit in my place and cry about my poor life, as much as it would satisfy me too, I can't.

I have to show these _people_ that it's not the end of me. I have to prove them, and to myself, they didn't rid of me. I just can't wait to see the face on them all when I beat there asses, when I overcome my manacles and _handicap_ to prove them all wrong. I will do it too, don't have doubt on me. It will all be worth just seeing the look on his face.

Bosco's.

The game starts _now_, and I'm ready to _win._

TBC…


End file.
